• Speaking of Inconsistencies

    I thirst for enduring flame. Not the flickering of inspirations that sweep me off my feet and head only to leave me embarrassed and wondering how did I get where I am.

    I have yet to figure out how I can make the reward of writing tangible for myself so I can stick to the few writing projects I have yet to finish. It doesn’t help that I often feel like this act of scribing is a privilege reserved for the nauseously wealthy who have nothing better than to tell others what to think and feel. This speaks to the faulty mental strongholds that academics expose one to. I want to recover my tenderness.

    That one I had when I believed that this scribing is bringing heaven on earth and that the next line might finally make God stay and never wander off.

  • Earth or Heavens

    Integrity isn’t synonymous with mediocrity. I used to think that there’s nobility and dignity in simplicity rather than having superficial goods that are wasted on the individual and for everyone. This speaks to the privileged upbringing I have had (Conversation for another day since it didn’t protect me emotional and psychological wounds.) Aspiration was seriously lacking for awhile in my life.

    It’s not that I didn’t work hard or get good grades or even had a job. I just didn’t have a purpose that lit up my day with gratitude and joy. I liked my earthy side more than my heavenly side. I didn’t even believe I had an heavenly side even though I tried to signal it via the grades, the poems and the job. I was consistent in my inconsistency because I didn’t have clarity about earth and heavens colliding in me.

    It’s impossible to give gold to someone who’s not willing to be a digger so I recognize how this post is more of a self reflection and if this resonates with you then you have your own metaphors otherwise just keep on digging.

    Day 2 of 30. Part 2. See you tomorrow.

  • Betrayals

    Your coffee isn’t made how you asked.

    Your friend doesn’t return your call.

    Your mayor embezzled funds.

    Your pastor is caught in a sex scandal.

    Your friend doesn’t show up on time. Once again.

    Your alarm didn’t ring on time. No, wait you didn’t set it.

    Betrayals come in small and large packages. There’s no surprise there. The interesting and long term blind spots in one’s life is recognizing the ones you cause and not just the ones one is a victim of.

    I have betrayed people in my life. I like to think that since most of it was unintentional, I should be quickly and swiftly forgiven, but I have right to my anger when I am on the receiving end.

    I am starting to reflect and study well my expectations and adjust them well rather than try to fix or control other people while still caring for them because my past dual options were either I idolize you or despise you. There wasn’t a middle ground for you because I didn’t know how to accept my own shadow and light.

    Day 2 of Day 30 challenges. Part 1. I will post another one since I missed one from yesterday.

  • Ode to Relaxation

    This is Day 1 of a 30 days commitment to posting once on this blog.
    I am good at pointing out perfectionist tendencies in the people around me, and I don’t see my own when it comes to writing.

    I believe when I’m old enough I will finally relax into being loved as I am, not as I like to present.

    Faith is more important to me right than money and if money does come then cool, but I want to see the face I had before I was born.

    I had an amazing week because I said yes more often to love, faith and hope than I usually do.

    My little human just started a milestone. I’m humbled by the beauty of life. I didn’t know that one can be so happy that it hurts.

    Practice with me:
    I’m sorry.
    Help me.
    I love you.
    Here I am.

    What if each of us can say that to each human we meet daily?
    Day 1 of Day 30.

    Walk in peace. I kiss your eyes. May God’s face shine upon you.
    Mulumba,

  • Communion over Creation

    By the term “over” I’m actually thinking of the mathematical symbol “>”, and despite the fact these words have lots of resonance in Christian cosmology, I’m hoping they would carry over in corporate, nonprofit, educational, healthcare and etc. milieus.

    Rather than establish their meanings in Christian cosmology (and I’m not confident that I can do justice to all of the nuances in the context of this post), I will just present 2 scenarios from the corporate and nonprofit milieus to illustrate the meanings I want to assign to communion and creation today.

    Corporate scenario: A project manager presents to the engineers on his team the new product they will be working on for the next year. His flat tone, tired eyes, and lack of gestures is a contrast to his warm voice, intense gaze when he’s playing basketball and while these behavioral signals are noticed, they are overlooked in the interests of moving the project one step at a time. The project manager quits the company halfway through the project without any clear explanation from the upper management and the team speculates using both his behaviors and expertise to attempt to make sense of it.

    Nonprofit scenario: The director of a black led nonprofit in a poor neighborhood has secured a partnership with a foundation to provide ongoing mentoring to young, black women in the field of robotics and coding. During her presentation to the board, her flat tone, tired eyes and lack of gestures are a contrast to her warm voice, playful demeanor they have witnessed when working with the young, black women. The board overlooks these behavioral signals in the interest of the exciting new project. The director ends up leaving the organization one year into this new program and everyone speculates about her behavior and expertise to make sense of it.

    With these 2 scenarios, you can easily extrapolate similar scenarios with a nursing supervisor in a cardiac unit and a principal in charter school. The intention here isn’t to be exhaustive in naming all of the dynamics: personal, professional, political, economic and social dynamics that would lead to these types of exits, and instead to focus on the tension between communion and creation in the workplace.

    At this juncture, I will use here the cringe word ‘product’ and mean any tangible, useful service or item any institution or individual creates and ‘communion’ to mean relationship that are leave lasting impressions in the heart or mind of anyone.

    The pattern that I have noticed in those aforementioned settings in which I have been is that the product is more often than not centered in lieu of communion. On surface, it does make sense for a product to be pursued more than communion more often than not, it’s just that lasting product is impossible outside of communion.

    This principle is rather obvious in all caregiving activities involving the vulnerable among us where the quality of the interaction is intrinsically expected rather than a surplus. This expectation isn’t spread to the rest of other industries that are not directly human facing, but the humans involved in those other industries did spend the first years of their lives seeking to be known, felt and seen by the adults in their lives.

    I will end here by stating that this broad brush about how communion being greater than creation in any setting is not about shaming or dismissing the humans involved in making the computer, chair, table I’m using to type these words or even communicate with the entire world just via this medium. It’s rather to point that essentials should remain essentials as we keep seeking the next thing whether you are creating or communing.

  • Non Profit Labor as Mystery Work

    East of Congo may have the most non-profits per area in the world at the moment and I don’t care enough to debate or research if that’s the case, but even with such an extreme claim, there are definitely lots of non-profits over there.
    Having grown up there, I used to feel shame for the poverty, anger at the government and awe at the wonders of Nature around that area. Nowadays I feel mostly grief and ask God jusqu’a quand?
    Living here in Portland, Oregon and working in one of the most populated nonprofits areas, I also work in a nonprofit where I am starting to sense the philosophical principles of the nonprofit world. I will be exploring polyvagal theory, system thinking and popular education principles upcoming blog posts, but for today, I will explore the mystery aspects of nonprofit labor.
    Despite the attempts to have metrics and precise outcomes for every nonprofit activity, there are more unknowns than knowns that keep frustrating funders, executives and community members, recipients of the funds. I will leave aside the past or present politics of funds for chronic issues in society for those who breathe the academic musty air.
    Mystery feels like a foreign concept to a world inundated with information at their fingertips, and yet the soul’s questions about meaning, connection and nuances are still hidden deep in our bones.
    Some questions I still don’t have answers for:
    • How are mistakes I have made as a nonprofit executive been useful to the community?
    • How are the successes my organization has had been detrimental to the community?
    • If the voiceless, invisible, marginalized ones are the priorities, why should my visible, privileged and educated voice speak on their behalf?
    • How much humility is enough to labor alongside community members whose socio-economic environments are the products of generational and governmental decisions?
    I know I just barely scratched the surface of mystery pain points in the nonprofit industry, but I just wanted to shake a little bit the wild flowers of this nonprofit field.(These sentences are weird and I’m mixing so many metaphors, but it’s late at night so time for my beauty sleep 😊)

  • Children as Accessory Items

    I grew up with the lie that children are accessory items to the main lives of adults.

    If the adults were the sun and the moon, children were at best the far away stars.

    The imagery ends there because science shows that a fetus start having feelings at 8 weeks old.

    I am in the process of recovering play, imagination and simplicity and they are harder than coming up with a year’s budget for an organization.

    I hope to become the most foolish elder who laughs and plays along with babies.

    Be gentle with yourself today.

  • About Me

    Hi.
    My name is Mulumba. This is where I will make and design stuff mostly with words and sometimes with images and once in awhile melodies. Let’s play along.

    Notable Works:

    Article about my daytime job:

    From Refugee to Service Provider Article

    My two self published poetry ebooks:

    Twice the Face Book 1

    Twice the Face Book 2

    Short and Sweet Musing of the Week:
    “Hey friend, befriend your fear,

    befriend your poverty,

    befriend your loneliness,

    until you befriend the fullness and emptiness of yourself.”

    Artist, Thinker, Writer Quote of the Week:
    “Every child comes into this world looking for someone who is looking for them.”

    Dr. Curt Thompson

    Until next week,

    Joy Mulumba